This is how you changed my life…

I’ve always felt called to write about how God has changed my life by surrounding me with a wonderful community of 20-somethings. I can’t imagine my life without them. I’ve prayed long and hard about this topic. How do I write about community and the vitally important role it’s played in my life? And then I heard God whisper, “Start at the beginning”. Today, I want to share the story that allowed me to feel welcome and able to share my joys and struggles with others. And this single handedly changed my perception of myself and in so changed my life completely…

A few years ago, I was sitting in a room full of women I now call my closest friends. However, back then they were all strangers to me, but the Lord brought them into my life for a reason. It was “girls night” and along with eating junk food and consuming way too much sugar we took an opportunity to truly get to know each other. The task was to map out your life on a timeline with the high’s on the top and the lows on the bottom. The top of my timeline was full and the bottom was pretty empty. As I looked around the room at the beautiful pictures others were drawing I noticed that my “bottom” was so empty in comparison. I began to feel very insecure, which is so silly now that I look back. Why should I be insecure instead of grateful that the top of my timeline was over flowing and the bottom was close to empty?

The time came when we had to share with the group. All of the women spoke for around 5-10 minutes then it was almost my turn. I was incredibly nervous to share my timeline. Thoughts of insecurity ran through my brain, “would they think I was a phony? Did I miss something? Do I even belong here?” Then the young woman sitting next to me began to speak about her life and what growing up was for her. She told a story that was nothing short of a shocking to me. Her life had so many twists and turns that not even a Hollywood movie could depict a life like hers. She spoke for 20-30 minutes and we were all captivated and sitting on the edge of our seats.

When she was finished, she looked over at me and with a smile and said “Your turn!” Panic washed over me and I could barely breathe as I tried to find the words to lead into my “Happy Cheerleader Life”. So I did the only thing I could do, I was honest. I explained to her and the group that I felt ashamed and selfish for telling my story after hers. I wanted to tear up my time line and just hug the woman next to me. I wanted to be the one to take away all of her pain. “I would rather not share my story.” I told her. I waited for her condemnation. I waited for her to tell me that I was right and that I had no business sitting next to her or even sitting in the same room with her. But to my surprise, she smiled and said “I would love to hear your story, because it’s yours and no one else’s.” I took a deep breath and I told my story, I felt ashamed and embarrassed the whole time. I sped through as fast as I could and it lasted all of 2 minutes because I just wanted to be done. When I finished, I shared that I felt angry with God. Why did he allow me to have such a wonderful life when there are others out there that clearly deserve it more than I do? Believe it or not her response to me on that day is the reason I write. She said, “Don’t ever be angry with God for giving you the life you’ve lived. Be thankful. I loved hearing your story because it gives me hope that my kids won’t grow up with the life that I had. I’ve never known that a life like yours could exist before this moment. Thank you for giving me hope.”

And then WHAM! Jesus slapped some sense into me and showed me that He needs me to share my story… and so I will write it. Jesus spoke to me through her simple words and gave me the confidence I needed to further His kingdom. Mind Blown. Life Changed.

To this day, the young woman is one of my closest friends. She knows me inside and out. She allows me to lean on her when I need too. Truth is, I have many women in my life that will carry me through as I carry my burdens to the ultimate healer. I’m the one on the stretcher as others carry me to meet Jesus for healing. And if I can, I will carry your stretcher too.

Turning 30 with Grace and Confidence

I’m turning 30 this year. Sometimes I think I should be moaning and groaning but in all honesty, I’m pretty stoked to leave my 20’s behind.

I look back at my 20’s and realize how eternally grateful I am to my Awesome God that I have the privilege to grow, mature, and my life has gone on. I made so many mistakes that I now see as “growing opportunities”. I’m sure there will be more of these “growing opportunities” coming up, but I’m still thankful that I get to leave my 20’s behind.

I spend most of my time with the “20 somethings” small group from church. Every Monday we get together for food, fun, and then we break off into guys and girls groups for prayer time. It is here that we can truly be transparent with one another. It is during this time that I am reminded of the struggles I went through in my early 20’s. Everyone in this group knows all my dark places and they still show me love and respect.

I struggled with trying to find my way in this world I stumbled, I tripped, and fell flat on my face! However, I now learned through these “growth opportunities” that I have nothing to fear.  The fear of rejection has crippled me for many years and now that I’m turning 30 it’s my goal to leave that part of me in my 20’s. The insecurities and the hurts of my 20’s will always be a part of me, but now I have the wisdom to know that God will never reject me. I have nothing to fear because He is always with me.

I feel the general theme of my 20’s was not only fear of rejection but also impatience. I find myself continually mediating over Psalm 40. It seems a general theme to the “20 something” individual that life isn’t moving fast enough. I want a car, a job, a husband, a house, babies…etc. But when I reflect on this awesome Psalm, I see God’s amazing power in my life. He’s working and I trust that His timing will be perfect. So today, I leave you with the beautiful words of Psalm 40.

Psalm 40^[a]

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

¹ I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
² He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
³ He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.

⁴ Blessed is the one
who trusts in the Lord,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.^[b]
5 Many, Lord my God,
are the wonders you have done,
the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
they would be too many to declare.

⁶ Sacrifice and offering you did not desire—
but my ears you have opened^[c]—
burnt offerings and sin offerings^[d] you did not require.
⁷ Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—
it is written about me in the scroll.^[e]
8 I desire to do your will, my God;
your law is within my heart.”

⁹ I proclaim your saving acts in the great assembly;
I do not seal my lips, Lord,
as you know.
¹⁰ I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help.
I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness
from the great assembly.

¹¹ Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord;
may your love and faithfulness always protect me.
¹² For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me.
¹³ Be pleased to save me, Lord;
come quickly, Lord, to help me.

¹⁴ May all who want to take my life
be put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin
be turned back in disgrace.
¹⁵ May those who say to me, “Aha! Aha!”
be appalled at their own shame.
¹⁶ But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who long for your saving help always say,
“The Lord is great!”

¹⁷ But as for me, I am poor and needy;
may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
you are my God, do not delay. (NIV)

Yours forever… *BGR

This is how I sign all of my love notes to my husband. We have a secret language. He loves that I can own being a “BGR” Or as I like to call it… A Big Giant Redhead. I’m not a big giant, this I know, but I am a redhead that is surrounded by a family of little people. Many people wonder where I get this idea… so I bring you, all of my reasons for calling myself a “BGR”.

Reason #10

Reason #9

Reason #8

Reason #7

Reason #6

Reason #5

Reason #4

Reason #3

Reason #2

Reason #1… I feel that I have made my point. 🙂

And now it’s time to let you know… That I LOVE the title I have deemed to myself as the BGR!!!! I own it, it’s awesome, and I stand out like a sore thumb! If you ask me “What’s something about yourself that you would never change?”  It would be my BGR-ness. It makes me different and quite frankly it’s more of an attitude than anything else. 🙂

OFLS!!!!

Grandma Elffie- Halloween 2008 dressed up as a house wife. She makes me smile… 🙂

My kitchen is filled with different things from my Grandma Elffie’s house. Last night, I was admiring my “Uff da!” spoon. It is a normal wooden spoon that has been painted white with a picture of a Scandinavian woman painted on it. She is plump with red rosy cheeks, white hair, and a blue bonnet. Under that picture it has one of my favorite sayings, “Uff da!” I have the spoon displayed the same way my grandma always had it, attached to my lefse stick. A friend of mine came to visit and asked, “Why do you have a sword hanging in your kitchen?” I removed the lefse stick from the wall and explained to her what it was… definitely NOT a sword.

“Uff da!” something my grandma has said many times over the years to her grandkids. So that got me thinking about all the other things my grandma says, then it occurred to me OFLS! Grandma always says, “Oh for land sakes!” So I put it out into the universe, from now on I will no longer be using the texting expression “OMG!” From now on, all of my friends and family will be receiving “OFLS!” I encourage you all to do the same. I did a google search for the saying and believe it or not there is a definition out there! It is an acceptable replacement for other foul language or sayings that they used from the 1930’s-1950’s. In honor of my Grandma Elffie I’m bringin’ it back! Don’t let these wonderful sayings go away! They must prosper!